Holding Suffering Close: A Little Life Play (2023)

If you’ve been a follower of mine for a while, it’s no secret that I’ve been gushing about A Little Life ever since I read it. (Read: A Little Life Review; A Little Life Reading Diary) At the time, I just haven’t read anything like it before. And with a unique story and point of view, gorgeous writing, and an interesting cover, I know this book was destined to be unforgettable: and I was right.

A little bit of context

There was a point in my life, even months after finishing the book, that I get to grieve and be emotional thinking about it at least on a weekly basis – which seemed absurd. But truly, this book had me on a chokehold and I was more than happy to submit. So when I heard that it was being adapted into a play, I was pleasantly surprised and maybe unnecessarily excited. I didn’t really expect to see it live because I was still in the Philippines back then and have no thoughts of moving to another country when I read it back in 2020. I only thought and wished for it to be filmed so that I will be able to watch it, even if it is subbed.

But then fast forward to now: I moved to the UK. When they announced that the play is being adapted in the English language at the West End, I swore that I needed to watch it no matter what. Life happened and I missed the first and second run and luckily, it got extended and I was able to go! It sort of just became this string of lucky events and I am so grateful that I get to experience this live.

The play

Content Warnings: (spoilers!) *highlight to view* {self harm, suicide, physical abuse, loss of a child, addiction, sexual assault, ptsd, complex trauma, prostitution of a minor, pedophilia, emotional abuse, abuse of a disabled character, suicidal ideation}

Spanning almost 4 hours (3 hours and 40 minutes, including one interval, to be exact), A Little Life follows the life of four friends: Jude, Willem, JB, and Malcolm – with specific focus on the mysterious Jude. Throughout the play, we get to slowly peel back the mystery that is Jude’s life: why he is how he is, and it was a heart breaking affair.

As expected, seeing this brought to life somehow turned the dial a little too high – and, yes, even higher than in the book if that is even possible. Reading about it is one thing but having the visual to match it? It added a little more. It was graphic – this whole play was peppered with re-enacted and implied physical and sexual abuse and on-stage self-harm. When I was lining up for the loo, I heard one girl say that this is probably the hardest play to get through she’s ever watched and I would have to agree. The themes were triggering, as with the book, and they definitely didn’t shy away from the darker and painful parts of it. It was so hard to watch that I literally had to sometimes close my eyes or turn away to get through it.

As with the book, the play alternated seamlessly between the present and Jude’s memories – mimicking the way traumatic memories unexpectedly insert itself into your life and the narratives you tell yourself. It was haunting whenever voices/characters from Jude’s past appear and hijack his train of thought. James Norton was breathtaking as Jude – the way he was able to portray Jude in different stages of his life, and can change at the drop of a hat. I can’t imagine the well of emotions he has to tap into and the preparation and condition it took to get into that character. It is a complex and gruelling role, to say the least. All the supporting casts are brilliant as well. Zubin Varla as Harold was heart breaking, his performance nuanced. His voice (!!!) delivering that last monologue from him? I was almost sobbing. I also think it was a brilliant move to have the various ‘bad guys’ in Jude’s life be played by one person only – as it amplifies and concentrates the danger. Elliott Cowan played Brother Luke/ Dr. Taylor / Caleb. And I swear, whenever he comes on stage, my heart starts to hammer loud. The staging was effective, even the choice of what music to play at a given time was perfect.

Like others, I honestly thought this book is almost impossible to adapt. It could be a TV series, at least – with the book spanning almost 700+ pages of hard material to work with. A movie is even out of the question, as it would be too long. But Ivo van Hove (the Belgian Theatre Director who adapted and directed the original Dutch version of the play) performed almost an inconceivable feat. And even though the play stretched to longer than its counterparts (I mean, 4 hours?), I felt that the adaptation gave the book justice. Like van Hove really understood the essence of the source material and respected it.

It’s amazing – the more I encounter this story, the more unique perspectives and interpretations I see. It’s the sort of story that transforms, like you can get a new thing from it the more you expose yourself to it. Although it might be considered ‘torture’ (pun intended, hehe sorry) to subject yourself to its story multiple times, as crazy as it may seem, I think it pays off every time.

I would like to quote some excerpt of Ivo van Hove’s Director’s Note from the play pamphlet:

Hanya Yanagihara told me that you can read A Little Life like a fairy tale about ‘a motherless child who has to face horrible challenges and find his own way’. A surprising point of view, considering A Little Life is a never-ending, meandering journey through the horrific consequences of the structural, violent sexual abuse of an underage child. […] A Little Life is not a book, it is an excess, an excess of words, feelings, sexual abuse, self-mutilation and heroic attempts at love and friendship. […] It’s a dissection of the social pressure to be happy and successful, of the overvaluation of sexuality in relationships.

It destabilises your entire moral way of thinking. It digs deep into what makes people beautiful, but also into what makes them monsters, to themselves and others. ‘A fairy tale’, but in the way they were originally intended: to exorcise our dark powers. And one about our world in which the author doesn’t give us a solution, no release. A book that is so personal and yet so universal at the same time, rare like a perfect diamond.

And could you even put it more beautifully than that? It is so easy to dismiss this into a ‘Jude’ book – but if you look at it closely, you can also see and appreciate the side pieces moving. Quoting from the above: “the heroic attempts at love and friendship“; in this story, you see people bravely caring and loving, trying to help and save one another. To try to “love [a person] out of his pain“, to quote James Norton in one of his interviews. And I think that is such a beautiful thing to get from this story: that there would be people that would love you against all odds and, in extreme cases, will try to keep you alive even if you’re determined to not be (and I don’t just mean this literally).

(Of course I wouldn’t pass up the chance to take a pic of the book in front of the A Little Life marquee! How I wish I have my annotated copy with me when I visited this but I chanced upon a UK paperback from Keats and Chapman just for this, thank the universe! The iconic US cover – the one with the ‘Orgasmic Man’ by Peter Hujar – still takes the cake so I also snapped one with my Kindle in it.)

In that same interview, there is also an insight from Luke Thompson (who plays Willem) that I found so profound and summarizes the essence of this story : “A lot […] has been [said] on how extreme the suffering is. […] But actually it is a relatable story cause I think it is [about] how suffering can define us and how hard it is to let go of one’s suffering. We hold our suffering close and it’s quite hard to let go of it.” How trauma defined Jude’s life – because he made it so. Whenever I am dissecting this story, I am always reminded of a quote from Haruki Murakami‘s What I Talk About When I Talk About Running: “Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.” Somehow it could end in a hopeful tone, that you still have control on how you let the various pains you experience affect your life. Even if in this case, it’s too late: Jude held his suffering close that it became his identify, it shaped who he is. It’s a sad thought, and in no way meant to say that Jude’s suffering is his fault – it’s just the way he is.

In conclusion

A Little Life was achingly, amazingly, and brilliantly adapted in this production. If you’re a fan of the book or if you just want to see a deep exploration of human emotions: pain, love, and even hope, you should not miss this! It’s not gonna be an easy watch, that I am certain. Please check if you can handle the themes in this beforehand – I’ve listed the content warnings above, because they show it graphically most of the time. This is not for the faint of heart, definitely. But if you resonate in any of the things I typed above, I’m sure this play will be worth it. I, for one, am glad that I get to watch it. ⋆｡°✩

A Little Life Play
Savoy Theatre; July 8, 2023, 1:30 PM

Get your tickets here.